Resolving Conflict – Dorm Life

Living with someone outside of your family for the first time can be a lot of fun, but you will most likely face some unexpected challenges. Getting along with everyone all of the time just is not possible. But, getting along with your roommate is essential to enjoying your college years. Here are some tips to prevent and help resolve conflicts between you and your roommate.

When you first move into the dorm, you and your roommate are both excited about getting to know each other and becoming friends. After all, you will be spending a lot of time together. Roommates can become life-long buddies, but many end up not speaking after only a short time together. This happens a lot because college students are just getting used to being on their own. They are establishing who they are and they don’t necessarily have a lot of communication skills yet.

Discussing expectations with your new roommate can help prevent future fights. If one of you is a slob and the other one expects the room to be presentable for company all the time, then you will need to work out a compromise early on. Make a cleaning schedule, or agree to pick up your side of the room when given prior notice of visitors. Let your roommate know that you are interested in keeping his or her wishes in mind, then make sure that you do it. Most likely your roommate will return the favor.
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Always try to see the other person’s point of view. Your roommate may be neurotic about the cap being left off of the toothpaste. Let them know that you will make a real effort, and ask them to kindly put the cap back on for you if you forget. You probably have your obsessions as well. Explain how you respect that certain issues are important to the other person, even if you don’t understand why. Then, you are set up to ask for understanding about your personal preferences as well.

Have an up-front discussion about privacy. Roommates are going to learn a lot about each other, whether it be good or bad. Generate a “No Gossip” pact with your roommate. The pact should state that you will not discuss personal matters about each other without permission. This will help to build trust between you and your roommate and avoid driving a wedge between you. Being discreet is sometimes a tough lesson to learn, but one that you will benefit from for the rest of your life.

If resolution seems too difficult or just out of reach for you and your roommate, try bringing in a neutral mediator. A student from a room nearby, a dorm leader or mutual friend can offer some logical advice for you and your roommate. Remember not to say anything to your roommate that you would not want them to say to you. Point out as many positives about your roommate as possible when you are bringing up difficult subjects. Always be willing to compromise and keep the lines of communication open. Everyone will appreciate your efforts.